Specifically sex in YA novels. Now there's a controversial topic. Right up there with dropping the F-bomb in books for teens. There will always be two sides. I get that. Part of me hovers between the two. The mommy in me wanting to protect children from a reality they'll be living in before they know it; the writer in me needing to tell the truth, to help even one person deal with the crappy stuff that goes on in teen lives. But we can't have it both ways.
Teens are smart. They call bull$*^# faster than you can say, "banned book." Their lives are tough, tougher then my life was at that age. They've had to grow up so fast. Who am I to discount that? To pretend they're not faced with horrific pressure?
I think the first thing we have to do as writers is respect our audience. This isn't just about sex. It's about all sorts of topics: sex, drugs, rape, abuse, suicide. There are books out there addressing it all, telling the truth, helping teens. Call them edgy, call them whatever you want, they exist. They're tackling the hard issues because someone has to. Yeah, a parent would be a good choice in the matter, but the truth is not all teens have involved parents. And not all teens are comfortable discussing these things with their parents. What's wrong with them getting help from a novel? As a writer, can you think of anything more rewarding than knowing you helped a teen through a tough time--through a hard decision? Knowledge is power, people.
Sometimes sex in YA works, and sometimes it's gratuitous and unnecessary. It all depends on the story. To throw a blanket decision over the entire issue is to pretend that all teens are the same. That they're all virgins waiting for that perfect person. Not reality. Not even close.
Honestly, I'm pretty damn surprised by the lack of "other" intimate acts in YA novels. Hello! It's not always the big deed that's going down. (pardon the pun) There are other pressures, other decisions that aren't even being discussed. Is that realistic? I don't think so.
Do I have sex in my current WIP? No. Would I put it in if the story called for it? Absolutely. My goal is to tell the truth. To tell a story in a way that rings true for the characters as well as the readers. Ultimately, that's the only way to earn the elusive teenager respect.
Anyone care to share their thoughts?
Thanks to Carolina Valdez Miller for the question.
2 hours ago
26 thoughts:
Great question. Being a mommmy as well, I so want to protect my little monsters but I have to be realistic. I tend to try to be more of the middle of the road writer. I think if the character and situation call for it then it works for me. I just think --and I know this may be difficult--the parent should be aware of what their kids are reading (especially pre teen). I have a niece (she's 11)who was not allowed to read Breaking Dawn by Stephanie Meyer after she had read the other three books in the series. Her parents said no way. On the other hand, I have a friend who has a 10 year old daughter who said she was o.k. with her daughter reading Breaking Dawn.
I also think if the writer does not go into specifics of the actual act allowing the reader to use their imagination--to me this seems to be a better tactic. Especially in YA.
My rambling thoughts. Have a great day!
I agree with you. I'm still up in the air about how I feel though.
Oh absolutely, Christine. I think parents need to by very aware of what their children are reading. Like you said, especially pre-teens. Young adults like to read up, we all know this, but I don't think anyone is gearing edgy stuff to 10-year-olds. Great point.
And yes, off the page sex seems to be a common tactic. I know I'm not ready for YA erotica. LOL!
Natalie - Perfectly understandable.
I'm with you. On one hand, I'm the parent. The responsible adult. The one telling my kids to wait.
As a writer of YA, I want to be authentic. Do I think there's an audience for books without sex? Yes.
It's a hard line to find though, in a world with so much sex and language, and the other "big" books with awards that have it. You know?
I agree with you too. I'm not opposed to sex in books for OLDER teens. But I absolutely think that parents need to know what their kids are reading (and, if their kids are young or immature, censor it). I hate it when books throw sex at the reader, just because. Not EVERY high school relationship ends in sex, but almost all of the YA I've read recently does. It has almost become cliche.
I don't know. There's a balance somewhere. I say, tell the story, if sex needs to be a part of it then, by all means include it, if not don't put it in just to sell books. Does that make sense?
And I am a fan of off the page sex in teen books. They can read all the gritty details in a Harlequin when they're older. :)
Not all teen relationships end in sex, I agree, AND, not all teens have sex or want to read about it in every single book.
My biggest beef with YA sex, as I've said in other posts, is Unrealistic Sex, ie: teen sex without negative consequences, because there are always consequences even if they don't show up right away. I also have trouble when first time sex is written like it's fabulous, in the way an experienced couple would have sex. That is not realistic, especially for girls, and it's not fair to show it as such.
my two cents worth
I totally agree with you, Anissa. You make perfect points for both sides of the issue. :)
Interesting post. I've been thinking a lot about this too. A YA book I read recently had quite a bit of sex - nothing vulgar or even descriptive - it was just glazed over casually as if it were the most natural thing in the world. But there were no repercussions about it, and that bothered me. So what if teens have sex without regard as to who it's with these days, I wouldn't want a kid of mine reading that thinking it was okay. I think if an author is using it to make a bigger point/lesson/help someone get through abuse, that's one thing. But if its in there just because that's what teens do, deal with it, no no no I do not like that. In my first novel, my main character deals with sex on prom night - is it graphic? heavens no. that's not necessary. are their consequences? many. I, as the writer, am by no means condoning teen sex - but I'm not ignorant of the reality of the issue, also stressing that there are consequences, as well as hope for change.
I'm similar on thoughts of foul language. I wouldn't want my kid talking trash, I sure don't want them reading it. I don't even want to read it. It's unnecessary to spell it all out. There are plenty of authors who have found ways around explicit words, and it works just fine. Gets the point across just the same, and keeps the words out of the reader's head.
I hope my ramblings made sense!
I don't write YA so I'm not sure I can add much to this discussion. What I can say is that it all depends on the book's aim. Is it humor? Realistic? Fantasy? I think it really depends on the story and what kind of story it truly is.
Ha! I just did a post on this with the exact same title. Freaky, or what!! Great minds and all...
This is like the hot topic this week. Check out Gayle Forman's blog, she has some great input on the subject too. For my part, I say if its necessary to the plot or character development fine. And I dont mind details, lol--as long as it doesnt go into erotica territory and it fits the character or voice.
i would have LOVED to have read a book when i was a teen that helped me understand that some of the crazy stuff i was going through was, in fact, quite common. Would have helped A LOT.
Often i'm jelous of all you YA writers because it seems so fun to write YA, but at least writing adult fantasy, it's not such a moral issue when you include sex
I just talked about some YA sex on my blog too - my daughter is an 'old' 13-year-old, and we read the Twilight series together and loved it. As a mother, I appreciate that Stephenie Meyer didn't show drinking or drugs or hard swearing or sex...until the last one. And I didn't even mind that because she had alluded to heavy petting throughout the series, and hey! they were married. I DID mind the bruise-covered body, and had to talk with my daughter about that.
Then we moved on to the House of Night series. Holy to the moly. Blow jobs, blood drinking for sexual pleasure, cutting, hard swearing, etc etc. Did I let my daughter read them? Yes. I was sneaking off to read "Forever" by Judy Blume when I was 12. But we talked about these books and the situations in them. Do I wish it had been toned down quite a bit? Yes. Am I glad she read them? The jury is out. Am I glad we talked about these things together? Absolutely.
I'm not a book banner at all, but I do hope YA authors think long and hard about how much of that stuff is necessary to the story. I will now cede the soapbox to the next commenter.
As an ex-teacher, I sorta struggle with this, but in the end, I always did feel this new generation of parents were... a little... I'm sorry... protective. It seems we want to keep our kids young and innocent; they are not. Imo, the roots of adulthood begin to grow at ten; and just think: there was a time when they'd be starting a family at twelve and fifteen.
Wow, since I don't read YA I've never even thought about this. It's a lot to chew on.
I read so many ADULT books as a kid and teen that it's hard to imagine reading stories about kids my age having sex when I wasn't.
I guess my only concern with this is that these books might be available in the school library but the parents might not have any clue to the content, assuming that because it's a school library, the books are pg-13.
Girl with One Eye was not following your blog... situation corrected.
Excellent post. I wasn't a virgin when I got married and actually...not a single friend of mine either and most of those peeps had sex for the first time with "teen" latched on to the end of their age. Gratuitous, let's save that for the adult novels but otherwise, if it calls for it please put it in, tastfully.
I like clean books. I want my kids to read clean books. Do I have a problem with sex in YA - it depends on what were talking about exactly. I definitely feel there shouldn't be detail. Basically I have the same opinion as some of your other commenters like Elle Strauss and Kristen Rae. I'm actually really disturbed by books that don't give any detail or even talk about it, but you definitely get the idea that the couple is having sex. I don't like that it's so casual - like it's not a deal at all. Mostly I wish there was some way to know what's in a book before I read it. I always thought YA meant it was basically clean. It's not true anymore. I've read some YA books that were way beyond what I would want to read let alone what I want my children to read.
Great post! I do think, like others mentioned, that that's where parents come in. I've got one daughter I'm not too worried about in this regard, and one I don't even let watch the Disney channel because her mind just goes places... ;)
I agree with you on this one. The mother in me screams no! But I remember what it was like to be a teen so I have to be realistic.
I totally agree with you on this topic. I don't have sex in mine either, but I would put it in if it needed to be there. As it is, it would just be gratuitous, and we definitely don't want that.
Well said, Anissa! I also have a 13 year old, and it's a hard issue to deal with. I don't want to expose her to anything before she's ready, but I also think I'm deluding myself if I try to believe that she won't be exposed to such matters on some level before she's 18 (even if she only just knows about them). But I think the main issue is about truth in writing, and I think, too, in YA, we have an obligation not only to "honesty" but also to presenting controversial issues in a responsible way--or in a way that does not promote irresponsible behavior. I know not everyone thinks so--and it's likely the parent in me that leads me to this--but the thought that my daughter might pick up a book that glorifies drug use or irresponsible sex drives me mad. So, if the story calls for sex or drugs or suicide or whatever--then I think it makes sense to illustrate it, but hopefully authors will think about the way they present it first.
Excellent post, m'dear. Thanks for answering my question!!!
Great topic of conversation!
My kids are still in elementary and preschool, so I haven't hit that topic in what they are reading yet, but I know I will, and we'll do a lot of talking. I have a few friends whose children are reading books with sex and even rape on their middle school recommended reading lists for lit classes, and the moms are having a hard time with it. I can see it being in books if it's real to the story, but I don't know about it being recommended reading in middle school. Of course, I'm not sure about which specific books they were and what my opinion would be having read them myself.
Personally, I will probably tend to lead away from sex in my own books, simply because I am a first grade teacher. Should my students be reading anything I publish that is YA? Obviously not. But if I did get something published, it's pretty likely that my school district would make a little fuss, and it would be hard to face the parents of my students who had just read my sexy YA book. Lol...
That said, I have never kept something out of a story that I felt needed to be there, so... I guess I will have to cross that bridge if and when I come to it.
What a great post! This has been quite the hot topic around the blogosphere of late.
I don't have sex in my current projects because it's just not right for those projects. I have other ideas where sex would be an important part of the story, and I think if it's handled the right way, and definitely not too graphic, then it can be a great scene that really helps the story.
One thing I'm definitely against, however, is sex for the shock value. Sex thrown in with no real purpose other than to make the novel seem "edgier"? Pass.
What a great post. I totally agree with Elle and Kristin. I've read a few YA books where the characters fall madly in love, have sex, and all is right with the world. Their relationship doesn't really change- and sex changes everything- even in adult relationships. If we want to write honestly, and I think we all do, we must show that sex isn't all about the warm glow that comes after. Some teens feel guilty afterward, some gloat, etc. but there is always a consequence with teen sex.
Outstanding article! I stumbled onto your blog today and this was the first thing I read. As a parent, I understand we need to be cautious to a point. As a writer, and avid reader, I am excited to see so many authors unashamed to include edgy topics/scenes in today's books. Great blog!!!
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